A special piece. Hopefully you find it as depressing and sad as I do myself. It is dedicated to hopefully the last as*hole I will meet in my life   14.04.2017

My breathing was heavy, eyes red and swollen, my skin was dry from all the salty tears running down my face, mascara was smudged all around and my lipstick capitulated to my dying sobs. Ironically, the sun was shining. Light flowed through the milky window and enabled the little dust particles to dance in it. The wind brought in the smell of flowers blooming, spring was here. Bees dancing around, ants working hard, worms relishing the fresh soil and the birds were singing enjoying the fresh breeze. I sat in the corner which was never hit by light, which was not reached by the musical of spring. I sat in the corner of darkness, the corner of silence, the corner of loneliness. I used to be outside dancing to the tunes of spring in my short white dress, which complimented my bright freckles. I used to be laughing in the beat of the bird’s song. I used to be happy. My smile left my face a long time ago. He took my smile, my happiness, my hope and left me with an undying pool of tears and darkness. He left me in the corner, he turned away and denied my hand when I reached for him. Now my hands were not reaching for him anymore, they were reaching for the devils’ water. It was difficult to take a sip, the sobs and cries were never ending but once it reached my mouth and flooded my tongue it left a satisfying pain behind. A pain that reminded me that I was still alive, that obscurity hadn’t yet taken me over, that I might stand another chance at life. However, that feeling didn’t last long as the liquor vanished in the deepness of my stomach. Leaving behind an empty but drunken shell of what was once me. Fascinating, how a single person can destroy someone’s life within the blink of an eye. Fascinating, that someone can destroy a life without even doing something. Fascinating, how it is not anger, disgust or unfriendliness what hurts us the most, it is ignorance. Knowing that a person that was once so close to you, seems to have now forgotten about your existence. Being erased from someone’s world can get you to wonder whether you’re actually existing. He erased me from his world and memories. I was gone. The girl sitting in the dark corner, wearing a dress that used to be white, now patterned with dirt and smudges of makeup, that was not me anymore. An empty drunken shell. And as the sun was going down, as the particles stopped dancing, as the birds stopped singing, as spring went to sleep my hands reached one last time. My fingers were tightly gripped around the blade as they opened the gateway of what was now a mixture of ethanol, water, salt, cells and protein. The dress that was once so pure and white changed color, one last time.